


Wash Me Away

by Libby_Grief



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cheese, Love, M/M, Questioning Sexuality, Season 11, Shower Sex, Wing Kink, not much angst though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 14:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7511615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Libby_Grief/pseuds/Libby_Grief
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Peaceful nights in the bunker didn’t come all too often for the Winchesters. So Dean decided to take the opportunity to sit lazily at the table, without any real reason to be there other than to chill out." but Dean doesn't quite get to mange that. Not with Castiel around to make Dean begin to question things that he never though he would.<br/>Is it gay to love your closest friend? Nah, i don't think so either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How could the world keep spinning?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi potential readers, if you're here, then thank you very much for clicking onto this fic! I'm still at school and will soon be doingmy finals but will attempt to keep up with this fic. If you like any aspect of it- do please comment what it is. And if you dislike anything, please tell me what also. I am still very much learning and criticism is welcome.  
> I am writing this over the summer holidays. Don't hurt me if it's terrible, just know that i tried and had fun!  
> k, thxs.  
> -Grief  
> P.S If you like this fic, don't read my others, they're so bad. plz.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean doesn't get the peaceful night he wished for and instead has an odd heart-to-heart with Cas.

Peaceful nights in the bunker didn’t come all too often for the Winchesters. So Dean decided to take the opportunity to sit lazily at the table, without any real reason to be there other than to chill out. Y’know- like a person with a normal sorta-life might do. ‘It’s not like he didn’t deserve a break’ he reasoned with himself as he sat, slumped back in his chair with his feet propped up on the table top as if they belong there. He was sporting some brilliant looking fluffy, white socks that didn’t look all too masculine but sure were comfy.

He would have never been comfortable wearing fluffy slipper socks like these a couple of years back, unless in the privacy of his own room. But with older age, he had become less bothered about what people think of him. And anyway, the only other people here to criticize him for his fashion choices were Cas and his brother- and he could deal with their eye rolling.

Sam just so happened to be out of the room at the moment anyway. He had gone to the library in a huff as soon as they had got back from their hunt. It was a small job involving a vengeful spirit- they found and burnt the bones pretty quickly- Thinking it was a job well done- only to find that the jerk had a few friends. But despite this minor hiccup, they finished up the job and all in all- It was an easy hunt. The issue came afterwards, when on the drive home he and Sam got into an argument on the subject of Amara. Dean had been the one who started it- he had gotten snappy when Sam casually suggested that maybe they should ‘hold back’ on the attack on the Darkness, saying that they needed to access the situation before making any rash decisions. Now that Sam had left in a sulk, Dean realized that his brother was probably right. But in the heat of the moment Dean had called his brother a coward and expressed, very passionately, his opinion on Sam’s opinion and why he thought it was a fucking stupid one.

Whatever, he’ll apologize to his brother later. Right now, he needed this down time.

He was half-watching this old, black and white, slap-stick comedy show on Sam’s laptop- (his own laptop wouldn’t work..) currently stuffing Chinese noodles into his face in a way which could probably be described as animalistic. However, despite having this time to relax, his mind very quickly wondered back to the issue at hand: Amara- the Darkness, their appending doom. It was hard not to think about it. Deep in thought, Dean’s eyes flicked off the computer screen and to the Angel who sat across the room.

Castiel sat silent some distance away, face stuck in a book. Which, by the way he was subtly frowning down at the pages; he seemed to be only half-reading. Making Dean assume that he too was having trouble with focusing. The Angel wasn’t usually one to stick around the Bunker to often- he would usually mumble something about being needed elsewhere and mojo out. But recently, with him losing his wings and the small issue of a unstoppable, murder-bent force- Cas had decided to stick around more; ‘In case he could be of assistance’ or at least that’s how he put it.

Either way Dean was grateful for Cas’ decision to stay. The extra muscle WAS desperately needed and he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the Angels company- he was one of his closest friends after all.

“Hey Cas?” Dean spoke up out of nowhere, surprising himself more than anyone else at deciding to voice his troubles. A decision he very rarely makes- but since that Cas seemed to be having trouble too… It might be good for both of them to talk for once.

Castiel looked up at Dean where he was hunched over his book, his brilliant blue eyes taking Dean aback, like they always did. They were always a brilliant reminder that Cas was certainly not human, even if they were just Jimmy’s eyes staring back at him.

“Yes Dean?” Cas replied, sitting up straight to give the man his full attention- a small gesture which Dean loved- the fact that the Angel would always give him the time of day, even though Castiel has lived a thousand more days than him. It was stupid but it made him feel sorta special. “Is there something the matter?”

Dean paused for a second before replying- they’re a lot of things which were ‘the matter’, far too many to list in fact. But Dean saw no need to open up that Hell Gate… Not sober anyway.              

“No everything’s fine” Is what Dean finally went with as he pulled his headphones off over his ears to reciprocate the gesture and listen properly.                                               “I’m just thinking about this whole- Darkness business” He waved his hand in a nonchalant sort of way in an attempt to come across like the whole ‘darkness business’ didn’t leave him crapping his pants. The comedy show was left playing on the small screen- now with no one watching it.

“I see.” A worried tone responded, informing Dean that his efforts to act like his pants weren’t crapped didn’t work. Castiel’s mind seemed to tick over several different scenario before he finally spoke again, sounding confident. “Is this something you would like to discuss?”

“Alright, Dr Phil” Dean smirked a little at his own comment, his eyes lightening up a little when he saw the look of confusion on Castiel’s face. Man, he loved that expression- well, he didn’t LOVE it- was just funny s’all.

“No, I’m fine Cas, really.” Dean finally answered, putting Cas out of his misery. “I’m just thinking about- Y’know, how we’re gonna gank this bitch.”

“Your phrasing is peculiar, but yes, I agree it is wise to theorize on ways to ‘gank this bitch’” Cas responded, a lick of amusement in his tone.

“Exactly. I mean, are chances are pretty slim here... but, hey, we have a badass Angel on are side- that’s a plus”

“I suppose so Dean”

Dean recognized Castiel’s disquiet and wondered if that was the right or either just a nice thing to say- man, he didn’t want to put pressure on the guy. Growing increasingly worried, he began to messily backtrack. “I mean, not that you could do much to god’s sister- NOT that we’d ask you too!”

Wow Dean. Smooth. He cursed himself, blinking angrily at his own butt-headedness but not daring to look away from Cas.

Castiel’s small, silent smile dropped slowly.

“Dean, you know that I am prepared to do anything to help you, and your brother to fight The Darkness.” Castiel’s tone took a very serious turn. He stared at Dean intently- as if the intensity of his stare would somehow make the man believe him. “And if that means facing God himself, then so be it.”

Dean found himself staring up at Cas, eyebrows raised in some form of shock. He couldn’t quite make sense with what he was hearing.

“Cas… c’mon man, I don’t want to hear you say that…" and he really didn’t. There was something very finale about the angels words, like he was signing himself over in a death warrant. He wouldn’t want Cas to meet his demise while saving him… Cas was worth more than that. He was far more innocent and kind-hearted then either he or Sam. Dean realized in that moment that if Cas were to die- he didn’t know how he would react. How could the world keep spinning without Castiel…?

Without someone there to make that stupid face when he doesn’t understand his references or to lighten the room with nothing more than his soft, gummy smile- seen only on very rare occasions. It seemed damn near impossible.

“Dammit Cas… you-… Don’t ever put me before yourself.” The sudden demand came as a surprise and for a moment Cas seemed taken aback by it. But soon a small, flat smile crawled onto his face, followed by a deep chuckle. The sight made Dean almost began to weep. And he didn’t even know why.

“Dean- I believe it is far too late for me to make that promise.”


	2. Sweating and Scrubbing Sins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, After his odd encounter with Cas, tries to relax in bed. Once again, this doesn't turn out quite how he imagines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My biggest Issues with my writing (that i am aware of) is my pacing. I have a lot of pacing issues with the story just moving too quickly. I tried to cut that down in this chapter, but do tell me if it's still too fast.  
> Thank you!
> 
> -Grief

They say that life’s a carousel, spinning fast. Or at least that’s what Black Sabbath says. But either way, what Castiel had said earlier that night definitely left Dean’s world spinning. After the outburst the two men stayed locked in silence, staring across at each other for some time. It was only when the situation became too awkward for Dean to function did he -as politely as he could- excuse himself from the room. He frantically gathered up Sam’s laptop with him- grabbing at the tangled headphones and once again cursed himself when he dropped them- having to do a really awkward pick up before scuttling out of the room, muttering a “Night” before vanishing completely.  
Now, a few hours had passed and so had Dean. Passed out on his bed that his. What Cas had said about not being able to make that promise, in reference to all the times he had already saved Dean and sacrificed himself for him, definitely haunted his thoughts for some time. But despite this, sleep came to him eventually.  
The laptop was still left playing quietly as he snoozed, head propped delicately against a pillow. On the outside Dean seemed to be sleeping soundly- you could even go as far as to say he appeared to sleep peacefully for once with the way his chest gently rose and fell with calming breathes. He didn’t even stir when the laughing track played loud on his favourite comedy.

  
However, despite his appearance, his mind was doing very different things. As he slept, he dreamt. At first he dreamt of simply lying down on his bed, not to different to how he actually lay. There was a vague but non-threatening sense that someone else was in the room with him , but he remained calm, settling down deeper into his bed, knowing this wasn’t a worry. The dream began to slowly change in time, develop and morph. He thought he felt a warm breath on his cheek and suddenly dreamt of soft, warming hands on his shoulders, wondering down his arm, gripping his hand tightly.

  
The unknown hands then rose back up to his meet shoulders again and to slide over his relaxed body- It was an odd sensation. Dean felt like he should be rejecting it, he didn’t know who this was. This stranger. But somehow he found himself compelled to just except it, to let the hands calm him. He deserved a little calming, he reasoned with himself. This person could tell that, they should be fine.

  
He thought harder about the hands, leaned up slightly to meet their massage like strokes and as he did, they became more real; more detailed. The hands were rough skinned and large but the delicateness they carried made him shiver as they rubbed across his aching body. The dream went on and a forehead was placed against his own, a hand placed around the back of his head to bring him some how even closer. Dean distinctly remembered thinking: he had never had a dream as sweet as this before…  
But that thought was quickly forgotten as the other person’s lips moved tentatively against his- A soft, unsure kiss that told Dean of every pure intention that the lips on his own carried. He wanted to wrap his arms around this person’s body- wanted to know the person who would show him such raw affection- and he wanted more of it.  
He let his eyes slip slowly open and was surprised to see brilliant, bright blue eyes staring warmly back at him- a smile showing in them that was just as pure as their kiss. The eyes spoke- its voice rough and deep. “Dean, I believe it is far too late for me to make that promise…”

  
Dean knew those eyes; that voice, those words. Though it sounded echoed and distorted, the meaning behind them was still very present. He knew this MAN- This Angel.  
A delicate hand was placed on his hip and he felt a second, slightly more confident kiss pressed to his lips. Dean found himself reciprocating quickly, trailing a hand down the man’s lean back. ‘He could get used to this…’ He thought as began to squirm.

  
He could-

  
*THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* -Dean felt himself being suddenly pulled awake by the insistent hammering on his bedroom door.

  
“DEan” Sam called through the bedroom door, thumping the wood with his fist one more time. “C’mon man, you can’t hide in their all day!”

  
Dean, in his newly woken delirium, wasn’t too sure what was going on, all he could do was rub his eyes sleepily, face scrunching up in a forming headache and groan in annoyance at his aching, raging boner between his legs.

  
“WHAT, what do you want?!” he croaked, sitting up on bed with squinted eyes.

  
Sam sighed through the door, calling through it with a sour tone. “Listen Dean, I’m sorry about the whole Amara thing yesterday, I should have known it was a touchy subject- I didn’t mean to upset you.” He appeared sincere in his apology, even though it was completely unnecessary to be apologizing. The argument was Dean;s fault.

  
For a long moment, Dean was silent in reply- he stared blankly with half-open eyes at the door. He swore he could almost smell the tension that was rolling off Sam. “Did you seriously just wake me up to tell me THAT?

”  
The tension disappeared almost as soon as it appeared from Sam, and Dean could envision his brother rolling his eyes. He wasn’t mad at Sam, how could he be? He’ll have to apologize properly later.  
“Why the hell were you even still asleep, man?” The younger brother responded, voice muffled as he began to turn away from the door. “It’s nearly 4, I thought you were just sulking”

  
What? Dean glanced over at the clock and sure enough, there was the time, flashing at 3:49 pm. Ha, that’s weird as hell, he hadn’t slept in like that since… Damn, he didn’t know when. The thought of just spending the rest of the day in bed temporarily crossed Dean’s mind but he wasn’t a fan of that idea. He needed to DO something, stay productive. Maybe he’ll ask Sam about any cases.

  
Standing up on wobbly feet, Dean made his way to the door but stopped quickly to look in the mirror- Oh god! Dean looked terrible! His hair stuck up in all different direction from where he must have been squirming or tossing in his sleep and his shirt was stained with sweat. Definitely shower time.

  
Making a swift left turn, Mr sweaty plodded his way over to the little ensuite bathroom that had saved him many mid-night toilet adventures down the dark bunker corridors. It didn’t take Dean long to strip and turn on the water- pausing for the awkward post-shower, naked wait for the pressure and heat to get high enough. Stepping in, Dean let out a small sigh as he let himself just stand under the shower head, soaking up. Ah yes, like little bullets of lava. Just the way he liked it

.  
He reached down and grabbed the soap, lathering up his sticky body, his mind going blank of thought- Boner long gone and forgotten, Dreams fading from memory. Dean had always loved showers because of their ability to wash away EVERYTHING. Not matter what shit the world is stirring up, whatever plague he is cursed with, it all disappears when that warm spray is rolling down his body. Hey, maybe he could wash away his sins if he scrubbed hard enough? That would take a lot of scrubbing. He would scrub and scrape till his skin was raw- and that still wouldn’t be enough. It’s a good job God is off the clock, else Dean might actually be judged for these sins.

  
Dean turned off the water and stepped out, grabbing a fluffy, white towel from the rack and began rubbing himself down with it- absorbing every little water droplet that had settled on his skin. He chucked the used towel on the floor with the rest of his clothes and walked back naked into his bedroom, taking his time as he got dressed. Boxers, shirt, jeans, socks, gun. At this point, the shower effect had worn off, and it felt more like Dean was just pretending he didn’t have a care in the world- trying to kid himself into thinking things were just alright. But by the time Dean stepped out through his bedroom door, things just felt like shit again.

  
He headed to the main sitting room that he sat at last night, knowing Sam was likely to be there. Dean strode down the hall, slipping a little on his fluffy socks as he made his way down to the entrance. Yawning as he entered the hall, Dean saw that he was right and that Sam was sitting, reading some big ass book at one of the dark wooden tables but what he didn’t expect was Cas to be sitting directly opposite him. He suddenly felt his words stick in the back of his throat, mind going numb.

  
“Oh, I see you’ve decided to grace ourselves with your presence.” Sam announced with fake annoyance as he noticed Dean. He turned a little in his chair to face him, expecting some witty answer. His raised eyebrows soon drew close in a worried frown as he analysed his brothers odd expression. “Dude… you okay?”

  
Oh god- that Dream! Dean suddenly remembered what he had dreamt only an half an hour ago. He’d been woken up so abruptly he’d completely forgotten that he had dreamt of Cas. Cas’ hands running down his body, Cas’ lips on his. Oh shit- is it gay to dream about making-out with your closet friend? Fuck, that sounds pretty gay.

  
But it was a DREAM, weird shit always happens in dreams- it didn’t mean anything… But then Dean remembered how much he had liked it. How he didn’t want it to stop and his massive boner afterwards. And it wasn’t just the touch or the kiss, it was the meaning behind them, the affection that went with them. The love.

Love.

“Dean…?” Cas’ voice itself broke through his train of thought and he realized that he had been staring at the Angel who now mimicked Sam’s expression, perhaps a little more ruffled. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

  
This was awkward city. He felt like he was trapped in some shitty rom-com.

  
Dean glanced briefly past Sam, afraid to see his reaction and nearly exploded when he caught a suspicious looking eye.  
FUCK, this was awkward fucking WORLD.

  
More than a little embarrassed, Dean swiftly turned his face completely away, looking to the side, feeling a blush creep up an into his cheeks; flushing them red.

  
“Dean… is everything okay?” the same voice repeated and Dean felt himself flinch and mumble pathetically in a shrill voice. “No, I ur, just came to see if we had a case… or something” He still avoided any kind of eye contact with either man as he waited for an answer. He sounded like a teenage boy for Christ sakes! Pull yourself together man, control your vocal cords! Dean coughed in the most obvious way ever.

  
There was a short silence before Sam cleared his own throat, seeming to be feeling the second hand embarrassment wafting around the room, before he replied saying that they hadn’t found anything much and were still looking.

  
“Oh, alright then…” he squeaked back “well, I better get going.” Dean span on his heel, dashing back towards his room- he moved just slow enough to hear Cas ask Sam “Did I do something wrong?” and make him feel like a piss soaked rag of shit.

  
He reached the safety of his room, shutting the door a little too loudly behind him and cringed so hard he had to hold onto the door frame to steady himself. “oh my god…” He whispered, feeling breathless. “bad idea to leave this room”  
Dean decided that it was best to never leave the safety of his bedroom ever again. Better that then ever seeing Cas or Sam’s face ever, ever again. Ever.


End file.
